Embracing Motherhood: Lessons Learned from My Birth Journeys

Motherhood is one of the greatest and hardest experiences of my life. I think it's amazing what our bodies can do, especially when creating a whole new human! Sadly, I feel like there is a culture of isolation around pregnancy. It’s often treated more like a procedure than a natural process. This perspective can be disempowering to women, and it doesn’t have to be.

It's such a special and vulnerable time. Moms are already under so much pressure. I felt it (and still feel it), and as a practitioner, I know we need to do better for our moms. That's why I choose to continue my education in perinatal and pediatric chiropractic techniques. I took my first ICPA course in 2011 and became Webster Certified in 2013. I thought I knew everything I needed for the birth of my dreams when I first got pregnant in 2020 (pandemic or not!). I planned a home birth without an epidural or medical intervention. But it was by no means smooth or easy.

My home birth as a "geriatric mother"...

In 2023, I had more knowledge and went with a home birth again. However, it still didn’t go as planned. It wasn’t the picture-perfect birth or recovery I had envisioned. I think I'm still working on my postpartum healing. Overall, I have two beautiful children, loved my midwife, and am grateful I was able to safely deliver at home. But there are several things I wish I had known or done differently that I would love for all moms to know.

The Importance of Community: It Takes a Village

Finding and leaning on your community is crucial. Pregnancy can be isolating. I felt that when I was first pregnant. I always envisioned a chemical-free birth, which is not the cultural norm. I can't count how many side-eyes I received when I first said I wasn't doing a hospital birth—from my parents to my friends! All out of loving concern, of course, but it made it hard. I constantly doubted if I was making the right decision.

Luckily, I revisited my ICPA notes and read a few books to build my confidence. I also met with midwives. If it weren't for my chiropractic community and my wonderful supportive midwife (thanks, Hope Willems!), I don't know if my resolve alone would have been enough.

Addressing Fears Early: Labor and Birth Can Be Scary

Labor and birth can be intimidating. It’s essential to pinpoint your fears and address them as early as possible. We know that every pregnancy is different and doesn’t always go according to plan, and that’s okay. TMI warning—what I was most afraid of with both my kids was tearing. And guess what? I tore with both of them.

I was so focused on creating the ideal birth environment that I didn’t allow myself to acknowledge my fear. I didn’t even realize it was a fear at the time. I jumped into meditative exercises and read a lot to prepare myself, thinking that was enough. I envisioned a beautiful water birth, but my labor stalled in the tub. I pushed for four hours, and we almost had to transfer to the hospital. Thankfully, we found a position that worked, and I finally delivered him—with a second-degree tear.

With my second child, she arrived ten days earlier than expected. It was fast, which made me panic because I wanted to try the water birth again. I wanted my first to be there to understand that things were okay and that his sister was coming. But that didn’t happen. She arrived in the middle of the night, and family wanted to get him to sleep instead. I found out later that he was scared and sad without anyone explaining what was happening.

Stress, fear, and panic can creep in, even when you try your best. I think if I had allowed myself to pinpoint my fear of tearing, it might have helped me deal with it better and reduced my panic. It’s easier to address your fears when you know where they’re coming from.

Also, I now know a few more soft tissue techniques that can help relax the perineal area. These techniques pair well with chiropractic adjustments. I wish I had known about them beforehand because maybe I wouldn’t have torn with one or both of my children.

Consistent Care: Speak Up About Your Needs

Being open about your needs and getting consistent care as early as possible during your pregnancy is vital. I regularly get adjusted as a personal lifestyle choice every two weeks because that’s when I feel my best. Because of that, I stayed consistent with chiropractic care throughout my pregnancy. However, I didn’t know anyone who did perineal techniques. Even if they did, they didn’t offer, and I was too sheepish to bring it up.

It’s tough to talk to your colleagues about your fear of down-there-tears when they are used to providing adjustments alone. I am grateful that during both pregnancies, because I was getting adjusted regularly, I had zero aches and pains while growing a human. No sciatic pain, no back pain—my body adjusted well to the rapid changes. I attribute that to consistent chiropractic care from the first trimester on. What I would do differently is become more vocal about my specific soft tissue needs.

Early Intervention: Cranial Fascial Specialists

Take your baby to see a cranial fascial specialist early on for head shape, especially if it’s your first child. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit that my first had to wear a helmet for head shape (plagiocephaly) when he was 6 to 10 months old. I worked hard to do everything "right": natural birth, regular adjustments, breastfeeding exclusively, etc. So, why wasn’t his head shape perfect?

Birth trauma, although natural, is still trauma. I found out that plagiocephaly is most common in first-borns and males. My firstborn was a boy! Statistically, boys are more likely to have this issue, possibly because new moms tend to have more tension from things stretching for the first time. C-sections also have a higher incidence of needing helmets due to the lack of compression during birth. In my case, pushing for four hours probably didn’t help his head shape. At the time, my knowledge was limited to the spine for babies.

Because of this experience, I took the time to learn gentle cranial techniques. These techniques help ease general tension and asymmetries that affect head shape in early infancy.

Postpartum Recovery: A Plan for Healing

Having a postpartum recovery plan for your healing is essential. Right after birth, we have a huge cavity where our internal pressures change instantly. At the same time, we have a giant wound that needs healing. Our hormones are depleted, and on top of that, this new little human is immediately training our bodies to make milk for them. It’s a lot!

I feel like much of the information out there focuses on pregnancy to the week. But once delivery happens, it’s all about the baby. While that’s important, we also need to focus on mom’s healing and recovery. We have to consider wound healing, replenish our hormones, rebalance our internal pressure, and care for a very vulnerable newborn!

In my prep, I found only one book on postpartum recovery, called The Fourth Trimester. It’s a great gateway to thinking about the recovery period that focuses on mom. Asian cultures have healing foods that support moms while also aiding in nutrients for milk production. I didn’t understand body wrapping and thought kegels were the focus of rehabilitation, but I was off.

Now, I know that deep core exercises and breathing are where to start. You can begin that from day one to save yourself a few weeks of atrophy and weakness. Then, there are safe and comfortable ways to build off that, but six-pack ab workouts are NOT the answer!

Conclusion: Making Informed Choices

I’m sure there are more things I’m missing, but all pregnancies and birth stories are different. There’s so much information out there; it can be overwhelming. All we can do is make the best decisions for ourselves with the information we have. Sometimes we are presented with few options and feel like our choices are limited.

If our decisions are based on the information we have, I want to make that information available so you have more options to choose from. A good place to start is your philosophy on health and how you want your pregnancy and birth to align with that. I believe that if you are given all your options, whatever you choose will be the right one for you and your baby. I just want to ensure the choice is yours, not someone else's.